The above conversation with my horse is what I call a 'come to Jesus meeting' because in my Christian household when one of us kids would act up, my parents would lovingly sit us down and lay down the law about what is and isn't allowed based on biblical and other household rules. He escalated his negative behavior several times but I didn't get mad or scared and I simply kept asking, each time with more intent and clarity and rewarding any sign of progress until finally he yielded completely and said "yes" instead of "no."Ībout ten minutes later, after resting and rewarding heavily, I asked him to perform the same transition again, and he said, "You bet, no problem!"Īt that point I knew I could quit for the day and put him away with a huge reward! The total conversation lasted about twenty minutes. With my perseverance, he made it through and then he got lots of rest and time to graze. Then I said "YES please, this is important!" When he said, "no," I said in response, "yes please, with sugar on top?" Skimming over the twenty-minute conversation that ensued: Only before, we did it with me leading from the front instead of driving from behind. When it was his turn to lead he resisted my request and said, "NO!" we'd already been to that same area many times before without resistance. He didn't want to go, not because he was afraid to go. It happened when I asked a new horse in training to go forward into a new area while I walked behind with two long lines (a nice way to simulate riding and steering control before you ride). I call these special circumstances, "the famous come to Jesus meetings." But every once in a blue moon, the parent must help the child experience winning over frustration and self resistance in the face of perceived discomfort. In a parent/child model of leadership, the parent must help that child enjoy learning and day by day encourage positive behavior with high, light energy, lots of fun, and huge rewards. Because everyone intuitively knows that backing down to challenges day after day, only makes the relationship weaker. There are often, elegant and subtle things you can do to get past "no" and into "yes." Even in extreme situations, you can often take things slower, for instance, or support in different ways that discourage escalating negative behaviors.Īnd then there are times when there is no elegant way to advance beyond "no" without sheer determination, persistence, keen observation of position and technique, and will power that is stronger than the horses. But occasionally, there lies in the horse, a deep seated resolve to make a stand and say, "NO I won't do this because I don't want to and you can't make me!" Just need a bit of patience and time and most fear issues will be sorted out smartly. That kind of resistance is fairly easy to spot and even easier to solve. It's more than a mere hesitation formed out of fear. There is a time in every horse's life where he or she says, unequivocally, "NO! I won't do this!"
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